The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
