I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The air was thick with penises
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We need to get me chipped asap
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
