I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
