bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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