Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
two words: eviction party
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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