i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
