dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize