You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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