No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
