and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
kristin has been a bad kristin
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
