walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
