Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
