I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
