forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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