U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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