Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
