Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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