Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I didn't notice because vodka
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
