just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it's like iHOP with fire
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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