I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it was like eating out sand paper
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
