Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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