My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
