Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize