he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
my shit smells like andre
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
