I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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