Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Every concussion has its silver lining
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
