PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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