I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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