The maid of honor just puked.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
