bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
