On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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