I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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