Sry I called you an 8
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
