I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
