My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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