you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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