I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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