u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
