I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
