Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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