Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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