apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
