I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize