i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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