i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize