eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
