Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize