Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
