i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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