I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize