I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
