just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize