do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
