You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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