I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
