I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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