Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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