I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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