Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
