I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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