thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
