Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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