Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
