Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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