the condom got lost in my hair
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
