We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
