dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
