i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
