apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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