I haven't been this sober since birth.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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