I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
