I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
