it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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