That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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