I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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